I feel like living with breanna would be a bad idea also... I feel like I shouldn't eat all the food she brought becuase we don't let her eat our food. Not that we don't let her but the whole money thing you guys where talking about. 

But anyways I would like to live with hawk and maybe Lauren too. I think it would work out pretty good and is the house you guys are looking at have two garages or something? Lol it sounds expensive. It would be cool to have a nicer and bigger house. I hope we can get hawk a better job or more hours. Me and him were talking a lot outside when we were working on our cars. He told me his side of the story about grant and what happened and how he felt about. He think that grant was overreacting and hawk said grant tripped on his own. We talked about other stuff too. he is nice when he is himself.

 I hope Lauren and grant don't break up. It would be awkward for awhile:( 

 Yeah so I missed ou today and wish I could have hung out with you guys today. I love you boo and miss going on trips with you. I hope we go to Newark on froday and do fun things. Maybe top of the world and stuff

I hope you blog today I miss your sweet words. I miss your happy joyful voice and laugh. I want to go to Scandia today, but I was hoping today would be just me and you... But it's fine if others tag along too. I just want to spend time with you and play mini golf with you. I'm sorry our job isn't giving you hours. It seems really unfair of them to put this on you. Esspro calmly since you have a house and food to pay for. I love you boo so much. 

Hannahboo

Hannah, I can no longer imagine how our life's would be if we still lived in Newark. I'm so thankful that we decided to move up here so early. We both have benifited from it so much. We have left our motionless passes and now are on our way to do what we really want in life. I believe there is nothing holding us back from what we want in life. I think if we really want something I life we will eventually get it. That's what I love about us. I know that we will end up somewhere great in life if we just stick together. I love you with all of my heart no matter what happens. always know that no matter what I do, my heart will belong with you. I hope we can go somewhere fun today, even though it is raining and gloomy I still want to travel somewhere with you and have an adventure. I hope you have a good day at work Hannah. I miss you and I hope to see you again soon. 

Hey you. I'm glad we don't have a label. I think us not being objectified with labels of dating makes our true love for each other even stronger. We now rely on only our hearts to hold our relationship together. And it's working! I think we are a lot happier and less worried all of the time. I can't wait for summer to roll around. We are going to surf all of the time. And make lots of money. And go on awesome vacations together. Or we could just relax in our air conditioned house:3 I miss you and our love making.. I hope we cuddle lots today.. I love you Hannah and I always will.

You check everyday and I'm glad

I'm glad you still hope for my sweet words. I have to admit though I haven't taken the time to slow down for my hectic busy life you blog for you. I want to say again that I really am sorry I said what I said today. It was really uncalled for and I wasn't thinking. It's really bad when I don't think because stuff like that happens. I feel like my life has so many things in it that need to be done. It's really clouding my mind and most of the time I can't even think straight for a whole day. I want to slow down for a little bit and not worry so much. Today I really just want to relax even though I have a whole book to read, a essay to revise and a bunch of other stuff due. Today will be a day where no of it matters. It may fuck me over. But right now I need a break from my busy life. Well that's how I feel at least. I wonder what you are doing today... I hope you are happy and having fun. I'm at the beach right now. The waves are really high today and It makes me want to surf. I really want to buy a wet suit and get out there soon... Well I love you Hannah, I love you so much.

Hey you, my love, I miss you. We aren't going to see each other all day and It sad because Its a really nice day out. I went grocery shopping an got lots of vegetarian stuff for us to eat. Like edamame :3. I really miss you and I want to go on a date with you somewhere soon. Maybe the movies or dinner or something. I love you a lot and and I think you are the best person for me. I think we are a perfect match together and I really want to have a Long future with you. :) try and have a good day today at work and at home. I love you boo.

Well today could have gone better... I forgot to pick you up today and now you aren't speaking to me so I guess I'll blog about how I missed you and how much I love you. I'm really looking forward to moving into a bigger place with you. I feel like our home is small and junky. And now with the dog it's even less space and more responsibility. Even though not everything is the way we want it right now I'm glad I'm with the right person. You. I love you a lot and I'm still happy that I get to cuddle with you and go anywhere with you. I miss hanging out at parks and beaches with you. We should go to the beac together soon while its nice and warm out. We can get tans and play in the water. I miss going on dates with you and I miss us hanging out in general. I really think you looked good in your summer clothes today. Even if you didn't. I love you a lot Hannah and I hope we can get our life's back on track. I feel like we need to move and take less classes and just slow down together. I know we are young and we should live fast. But then we will go to fast and before you know it we will be old :,( well I miss your kisses and I'm really sorry I didn't pick you up. I should have been more attentive. I'm a bad boyfriend today:( I still love you a lot though and I do mess up, but that's what makes us human. I'm not a bad boyfriend in general though because you've said how caring I am. I'm just a bad one today... Anyway I love you and I can't wait to see our lives in the next 5 months

I'm happy we are both doing exactly what we want. I don't like to think about what are limitations or freedoms per se. But I know that we still love each other and that holds a unbreakable bond between the two of us. I know that we won't hurt each other because we both still see our futures together. I'm glad that we are taking things slower and less committed, It gives back to our own life's and I think it's really important that we have that.
I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I hope you really like this blog and after you read it we cuddle and stuff😮😏. But yeah I hope you are happy Hannah. I'm going to miss you a lot tomorrow an I hope you get a ride home tomorrow. You should bring an umbrella just incase... I love you Hannah and you are my everything:)

I sleep alone. I eat alone. And I am alone.
Not Having fun.

Man:(((

I wish you were going to be the first to post on my Facebook for my birthday.

Blogged :)

Why would I love you?
Because you are the the direct vision of beauty in human life. You are a living statue carved by god himself. Your presence will forever be known because of your thoughts and teachings. You are the person I know I can trust with anything and everything.

Why would I trust you?
I would trust you because I know that if I ever fall sick you will be by my side until I was well. I would give up my own life to save you if I ever had too. And I know you would do the same. I see our future so clear that I can almost feel it.

What do I see as my future?
I see a house. A thin and wood rolled house. The vintage house is Painted cream with a white picket fence kissing the edge of a rose garden. Green flowing grass in the middle, divided by a concrete pathway which is home to toys scattered. I can smell the crisp air in the morning and hear the buzz of the nightlife. But there is a lot more. I think about our future so often there is too much to describe.


I miss your blogs Hannah. I hope I get one for my birthday...
Also thank you for always being the Hannah I know. Independent, smart, and beautiful, are just some of the qualities you fit. You are really really beautiful with your hair cut and new clothes. :)

Post two

🐋 Finding happiness is not to far.
Withdrawing of the standards withheld.
Holding what ever life gives you helps,
But giving out what you are given completes.
My goals: yoga every morning and buy a wet suit with tax return.
My ambitions: learning to surf and finding a new friend.
My general thoughts: motivated to be better and challenge myself to every obstacle.

The past few days I've barely been able to eat anything. My stomach feel empty but I can't even swallow anything with out feeling sick

I sit here and watch the click alone in the dark. I wish I had friends

I'm a horrible person

I wish I could find a really sexy girl who would flirt with me And sit on my lap and ask me to have sex all of the time... Maybe some girl will pass some notes with me soon. Of course I wouldn't have sex with her but the daydreaming man. The daydreaming.

Man

I'm a fucking jealous prick:/ I'm jealous.

I wish I could make you feel the way he makes you feel.

Shitty blog numba 2

You shouldn't read any of these but I can't hold it in.

Shitty post don't read

I said I was hanging out with a coworker before work?
You get sad that I'm not telling you things.

I get sad when you talk about fucking another, better , sexier, more passionate and fun guy?

And now I should not be sad about this?
I didn't know all of this was going on.

Man I wonder how I feel. Shit shit shit. I am shit. I might as well find someone who likes me and melts when I touch them. It shouldn't be hard

Oh wait! I love you Hannah! And no one compares to you. I guess I'll just rot

Blog 2

Well I'll just keep letting out my irrational thoughts for now.
Chris is no longer the most beautiful things in her eyes

Chris is not longer the best guy In the world

Chris is Second best in my life

I still love you but there's this guy who flirted with me one day, so now we need to take a break and I'm going to cuddle and flirt and talk to my friends about how a need a dickperiod.

Fuck you Chris and your feelings

Blog 1

This is all so fucking insane. You find a new friend. Then we go on a break. Then he turns out to be this stud who makes you feel like Niagara falls... Really dude like I feel like you've left me for another guy who is this perfect, handsome guy who wants to have sex with someone he is emotional with. And wants the girl to have pleasure. He makes you melt and I make you sad. I am shit. A big pile of shit. I look like shit. And make others feel like shit. Why would you want to go back out with me when you can have this guy who caught you by surprise. You didn't know there was Better than me. But there is.
Fuck my life.

True lovers unmasked
Tomorrow might show the end
Today might show the light.

Reminiscing..

Night.

When, "your the only person I need" turns to " I need others for happiness". It's time to move on. I see your future and I see mine if this continues. It's okay. I don't think I was cut out for love anyway

I want to see how it goes for now. In the end I do wish for us to not be apart. But for now we can do things apart from each other as hard as its going to be. I think that we will discover our new found love for each other. This is the first time we showered apart and we will have a lot more first time aparts. I hope we don't end at all and we resolve this. I wish I never said any of the things I did starting a week ago. I was being stupid an protective of our love. I know that you wouldn't have run off or did anything stupid now. And I should have trusted you then. I'm deeply sorry and I don't expect forgiveness for how badly I treated you.

Please blog something sweet.

I really care for you and I want to do anything to make you completely happy with me. I really want to go to the movies and watch a good movie and cuddle since its Friday. But maybe if you don't we could always stay home and watch on demand movies and cuddle in bed. I miss the feeling of us cuddling and be so close to each other. The butterfly's and warm news. I miss it a lot. I love you Hannah

I had a dream last night. Me and you were sitting in the miata and we see a girl go by and we pointed and laughed. She came over and started yell at us for pointing and laughing at her. I yelled over and over at the top of my lungs for her to leave us alone. Then I tried to drive away but a cop stopped us. Then me and her had to apologize. I think she was mad at us also for my lawn not being mowed but I told her I didn't live at my parents Ouse anymore. It was really odd..

, I can't help but remember this feeling. I feel like a edge-torn, burnt and blotched love story that has fought it's way through anything and has taken everything that has come its way. I feel like I'm getting smaller, like that story is being crumpled and rapidly becoming less. I feel thrown, like this story has been tossed in the can and with out a second look, forever fallen into a hole with slick sides and tall walls. This story, my feeling, is hard. It gives me aches in every place and makes my heart drop. I'm scared and alone. I'm worried and ashamed. I can only see from my tin made prison a person whom I will give my life to have. Start to write a new story. It starts the same and is written on the same paper.

I don't want to believe this feeling but it's hard. I want to show you that this love story still has a blue flame. I look at myself and see failure. What can I do to change this. I need you back. I can't let you go. I miss you. I want to have endless things to talk about and take you everywhere to bring a smile on your face.

I think back to our first month together. How could we just let ourselves say that breaking up or being away from each other could even be remotely a good thing? What have we become saying these things? People who love each other so deeply and passionately would never even think about saying these things

I'm everything but happy and there is a million things going through my brain at once. Ill say stupid things and not have anything to say at all. Please bare with me, I'm not the same.

My heart hurts. Does yours?
I feel alone. Are you still here?
I feel hopeless. Do you?
I'm hurting inside.
I'm worried.
I'm shaking.
I miss you.
I miss us.

Boo!

I haven't blogged in so long. And I miss making love with you and cuddling together lots. I want you to know that I love you so much and because of that I want to do everything I can to keep you. I want you to also know that I'm completely okay with moving to Santa Cruz. I don't mind where I go as long as I'm happy. And I am. Another thing is I don't know if I want to go completely In to business .i want a job that dosen't come home with me. I don't want to drive a Lexus or wear a suit. I want just want to work somewhere that is a good pay and has me work hours similar to yours. I don't want to worry so much about my future career. I want to pay more attention to us and where we are heading. I love you boo and you are the best person in my life. I want us to be happy and excited together.
I love you Hannah banana boo and I hope you have a good day today! Ill come visit soon!

Jan 2-3

I had fun with you at point Reyes this weekend. I really want to do the drakes walk with you some time this season. I do t really know what to do on it tough :( but it seems really fun.and your getting closer and closer to starting your job. We will have so much extra money and I really want joint bank accounts with you. I also want to say I really like the way your body looks. I stare at it a lot... I love you head to toe and I think you will be a beautiful barista. I want you to make my drink everyday okay?

Jan 30-1

I feel like I've homework will be hard to do this semester. I barely have time for it. I do 11 units work 36hours and I volunteer.. When ever I tell that to people they give me the same look when I tell them I have two jobs one in Sausalito and school. It makes me worry. But hopefully I can keep up. I just need prioritize my time Better. It's hard because there is so many different things that come up. It makes me worry. When I do have m time off all I want to do is relax not homework. Because I never get much time to... I'm happy to go to point Reyes tomorrow. I think I'll have to finish a lot of my homework after we come home. Sucks we don't get paid today, could have got spirit matters stuff. Aw well. Maybe that's a good thing. I really want new work shoes and clothes. Maybe some new pants. And a cool yoga mat.

Jan. 29

Hey boo! Today was a good day. The flys are almost gone the rent is payed and you love and I love your job I have so much to tell you but your mad right now. I hope you come talk to me about it soon. I'm here to help and I'd really like to comfort you.. Well anyways I wanted to tell you my day at work. First there was this new emergency procedure on the wall and it list all the things to do incase of one. And the first thing is to lock down the registrars THAN turn off the gas to the oven. Lolol like really Costco? You sure for your priorities straight. Then stuff got all heated between a coworker and supervisor in my department and I was like in the middle of it. Yeah fun day lol. But enough about my job. Thank you for making Mac boo:) I got to do homework now and I really need help. I was maybe thinking you could help me..

Jan 27-28

And so starts the new week. You have a job. But not just a job. It's a experience. All of your past jobs have been experiences... Horrible ones. But this one, I can just tell you going to love it. You will come home tired but in the back of the mind you'll have a happy smile knowing you are doing something you like. Ill try and visit you a lot and kiss you while your manager isn't looking;) I miss you and I have to fold the laundry soon. I really love everything we are and have. I'm glad I've stopped hanging out with Adrienne and all of them. I'm glad I've stopped smoking weed everyday and burrowing in my room. I'm glad you've taken me somewhere so beautiful and pushed me to further my education. I thank you for everything you've done. I really want all of this and I don't care about party's or old friends. I care about us and our future. Our kids and our careers. Our big green lawn with a picket fence and two big dogs . We may never be rich or living on the beach. But we are happy. All I want is to live with you and explore the world with you Hannah. I love you so much and I want to treat you like my angel. You've saved my life from a bad path and I thank you.

Jan. 25-26

Pine crest!!!! I'm so happy we get to go up here and relax and not have to worry about anything or plan. I really hope it snows tomorrow or over night. Plus I'm ready for this week to start. School then Peets! Then more school :) then point Reyes on the weekend. We are overly active people. And I'm really happy you like your body now. I hope next month will be a really good one:)

Jan. 25-26

Pine crest!!!! I'm so happy we get to go up here and relax and not have to worry about anything or plan. I really hope it snows tomorrow or over night. Plus I'm ready for this week to start. School then Peets! Then more school :) then point Reyes on the weekend. We are overly active people. And I'm really happy you like your body now. I hope next month will be a really good one:)

Jan. 24

Mmmm tomorrow I'm going to clean the shit out of our house and buy some cheap fly traps because this fly this is redonqulous. But yeah I like today. I wish I didn't have to work and I wish I could have stayed home with you. I really need this weekend to relax. I just need one full day of nothing every once in a while to unwind all the tension and stress of work. I love you boo and I'm glad you got your job and your off birth control.

Jan. 21-23

Hey boo. These past days have been really great and full of fun. First of all you might have a new job at Peets and we will get so much free coffee and extra money to spend. Second I've been having a better time working at Costco. I feel happier and I really am motivated to move up. I'm going to start looking at the job postings in the break room. Maybe ill become a cashier or maybe a baker. That would be exotic. And we've been eatting really awesome meals at home, this week is definitely not famine

Jan. 20

Whew. Today was a 10:30am to 5pm day. It felt short but I didn't even get to say hi to the sun:(. Your not talking to me and your typing really loud and hard on your keyboard. I think someone is on your case about something. But you'll tell me later. I really wanted to kiss you and have a happy girlfriend to come home to but I spoke Spanish when I came home and it was the last straw. I wish I knew you weren't in the mood to joke around because now it is really quiet and I really just want to go somewhere with you. Well I hope we do get milk later on. We will have to ask for rent and food money this month again. It's not to bad but I still want to stop relying on my mom for so much. I love you boo and hopefully I'll pick up some hours pay for more stuff for us.

Jan. 18-19

I'm really horrible at blogging consistently. I like going out and eating with you all of the time:) I'm glad we get froyo and do homework together. I really miss making love... I hope we get some new condoms and stuff. And I hope getting off birth control makes you less hormonialy imbalanced like you said. I hope this is what you want also. I love you and want to take a shower soon please:)

Jan. 16-17

I miss when we used to eat out all the time. It was fun and I really want to do it more often. Im glad we are showering more often and schools back in session. It feels like we have a lot more to do. But now school is like 800 times better. Later time and classes together, like real classes. I have no complaints about these past days. It feels like I have spent a lot more time with you then I have before. Next weekend we are going to the snow and going to have some well deserves vacation time together. Maybe I can convince you to go down a giant hill on a sled with me

Jan. 15

I like my new pens. I get to write things on paper all day and someone wanted to use it for a check and was taking for ever an I swear it felt like she wanted to take it. But I stood there informs of her the whole time. So I got it back. I really miss you and I want to try and go for a ponytail after our shower. Alsoooo thanks for your chicken Katsu. It was really good and filling. I love you with all of my heart and I'm sorry I'm a pain to be around but just know I really care for you and love to laugh with you and do lots if fun things together. I hope my birthday is really fun:)

Jan. 14

Today was really fun with you. I loved all of our classes together and in really excited to do homework assignments with you. Yoga seems really easy and cool. Then math was just math. Lots of random people. And astronomy was like a real college class. Every other class it seems like there's a lot of high school looking kids. It's weird but yeah. I really am looking forward to Wednesday. It will be our first full real classes. Well I love you and hope to do Lots with you this spring. Also I realllly want to finish my tattoo...

Jan. 13

Are you ready for school Hannah?? It's finally time! And our first class isn't even a classroom. Haha it's a gym where we do yoga. Which I like because it will wake us up in the morning and when we used to do yoga it would relax us more. I hope nothing goes wrong in that class. Then after we get to choose our seats in math and do math together and be partners all of the time. We just need to pay attention haha. Then we get to eat lunch. Hopefully it will be warm out tomorrow. I wasn't to eat outside in the sun on the grass. Ifs it's warm... Then we get to go to astrology and take uber lots of notes. I'm so glad I have my keyboard now to take notes with.
But then we will have to depart :(( I don't even remember where any of the classes are. Maybe we can do that after lunch. I'd hate to get lost:( well I hope you are as ready as I am. I love you forevers.

Your boo, Chris.

Jan. 11-12

Two more days until school:) I really hope you get your grant today. There is so much more we need to get for you. I hope we have fun in yoga and all our classes. I really want to go to sf with you on Sunday. I hope we do a lot of fun things. Maybe we can get Thai food there? Or go to a tea house. Well I love you a lot and I hope a lot of things. Like Peets calling you and your grant coming and a lot of other stuff. Seems like nothing comes when we need it. I'm still really happy that I choose to live with you still. We should buy some Texas toast

Jan. 10

It feels like I'm at work all day. I'm really glad that I don't have to work on Mondays and Wednesdays but now I have to work every other single day for now on. It is kind of bitter sweet. I love to have our own house and be able to spend so much time together but now I have to spend a majority of my time working at Costco. I'm thinking of getting education towards bussiness and maybe moving up from Costco to something else. But I still don't really know much about it so I want to explore it more. I love you and I hope this semester is a lot better

Jan. 9

I have the most massive headache. If I concentrate to hard or move or anything that increases blood pressure my head feels like its going to pop. So I will blog about today; tomorrow. I love you Hannah. Come to bed

Jan. 8

Today was my last day off and oh my god. We did so much grocery shopping. We have a whole bunch of breakfast foods and coffee and everything. Also want to do something fun on my birthday. Like go to a fun place where you can do a cool activity or something. Or maybe a movie. Then I want to go to a really nice dinner at a place I've never been before. Then aroma roasters. That would be all I'd want. And to not have to do the dishes lol. Anyways good day today, kind of windy and cloudy. I really feel more connected with Hannah. She is really pretty and perfect. I love her so much and hope we can start saving up for cool things and more whole foods trip. Also can't wait for summer. You don't know how bad I want this garden this year in the back.

Jan. 7

Today was a mellow day. Started off with some coffee and hanging out at home followed by a really nice shower. Salt scrubs and everything. I miss taking daily showers with Hannah. I really want to start doing that again. I've also been thing about getting a haircut maybe. Possible haircut this weekend but I don't want to be pressured to do it. Ill just keep thinking about it. We also had a little argument about Hannah's uggs getting stained. I've found that I've gone to subtle(talking to a child) form of dealing with an issue to more of yelling and fighting my defense. I want to have a nice middle ground. Something to work on. After all that we went to petsmart and got some really nice food for our cat. I also want to work on improving our cats coat and lowering her weight. Finally we visited our hidden hem, Thai house, sitting on the group and eating really gourmet Thai food upstairs I downtown. The complex and clean atmosphere goes well with the dishes. Only a few more days until we get our checks and can be more at ease with life. It really is hard out here for a broke gangsta.
Also I write this as something we can look back to someday. Also to reveal all of my feelings throughout the day. Also also. Hannah I've told you twice now that I'm writing these everyday so I hope you read this without me having to remind you. But I'll let you know if you forget again:p

Jan 6

Almost forgot lol. Today was awesome. Woke up and made some biscuits and gravy then went to point Reyes with my love. Today was a nice sunny day. I feel like I talked to a lot more guests then last trip. And I really enjoyed the hike. It was like a pre-backpacking hike to get ready for the real thing. I really like walking around in the nature. I like seeing all of the animals. And it's sounds. It never quiet but the noise isn't annoying. It's a loud mellow relaxing breeze and crashing waves in your ear. After point reyes we went to spirit matters and i got a cool golden moon and sun with three bells.After that we had more biscuits and gravy for dinner becuase, why not? Only five more days until we have booco bucks to our name. It was a very nice day today.

Jan. 1-5

I'm going to blog about everyday. And have a nice little timeline of the year 2013.
I think this will be really cool since this is going to be our very first, whole year together in our new house. It's been about 7 months now and we've been adjusting a lot to fit our needs. Thankfully we've had my mom for financial help and Hannah's dad for help with laundry food and other things that we can get with out having to travel across the bridge. I've been working at Costco since July 2012. So far it's been great and the money has kept us a float. Though I looked at recent bank records and found out that we have to ask for almost a thousand dollars a month from my mom, Which, is not okay. I want to cut that down to around 350 a month which would be for gas only. I also want to make a habit of spending the fifty dollars for gas on gas first before anything else.

Other than that everything is going well. I really want to work on my relationship with Hannah. I feel like we haven't made love In a while and we need to jump start our sex life back into existence. Maybe it's been so long that we don't remember how great our love making is. Whatever it is I want it back. Now that it's winter there is a lot less to do. And that keeps us Cooped up inside our house. It dosent help that we have no money to spend on nights out or going shopping.
I want to get my next pay check and really budget things out so we don't spend it all. Christmas really hurt our bank, but now we can save up and maybe pay off my debt. It would be nice to have that thousand dollar emergency money.

So far this new has some past problems that need to be fixed and I really hope to fix them all. Be good to us new year:)