Hey boo I've been having lots of fun too this week. I like the feeling I get when I come home and your just laying on my bed reading. I like it when you stay here. I almost forgot that tonight is our last night sleeping in my bed for who knows how long but I'm happy and not worried about that. I can't wait to go to point Reyes. I hope we get the overlook becuase I semi know questions but I also hope we get the whale watching becuase we just get to look at the ocean and play around all day when no ones there. I hope we don't get seperated. I feel like we are going to be matched with other knowledgable docents :(

I hope you had a lot of fun these past couple of days and I hope that the earlier past hardships we had are said and done with. I look forward to a lot more happy days with no stupid interruptions. I like when we have a perfect streak of just endless happiness. It's fun. I like spending all of my time with you. It feels like we live together. Which reminds me I never told my parents you were ever sleeping over this week. Lol :D Welp

Hey boo. You're about to shower. I just want you to know that I love you so much and I know in my heart we will be together forever. I could never fathom leaving you for another human being. You are what my mid and heart is set on. You've treated me better and I feel a genuine sense of care and love from you. I never want to let you go. I'm so happy an I hope the rest of my day off is good. I hope we can sleep together tonight very happy and knowing that we will be in each others lives for a very long time. I love you Hannah and you are and always will fill my entire heart.

I really hope you blog back. I want to know what your thinking. I hope they don't expect me to be there friend again. I'm not just going become all better and start hanging out with them. They act nice to me but what comes first is you. If they can't act nice to you then I cant act nice to them. We are in this together and them wanting to hang out with me will only tear us apart. I'm taking my choice. And my choice is you. I want you and only you. Its my choice to not want to hang out with them anymore. Don't feel that your holding me back or anything. I'm doing this because I'm doing what makes me happy. I love you and I'm happy. I hope your happy too boo

I don't want to keep anything from you Hannah. I created that blog becuase I trying to find a way to cool off. But you are right. If I write it down it's only going to stick. I shouldn't write it down becuase I always feel differently a few hours later. Thank you for talking to me last night. A lot of what you said stuck and I will revert to a better way to comunicate my feelings too you. I love you Hannah. Also i think we have to reschedule the humboldt trip if possible. I'm still trying to get those days off but it's hard to get off 3 days in a row:( I'll keep trying though. I love you and want to snuggle next to you. Tomorrow we have nothing to wake up for. So we can stay out all night or cuddle or watch a movie. I just want to spend all day, night, and morning with you. I love you Hannah. Forever okay?

I totally understand why you don't want me drinking but I don't understand or see how it's fair that you get to drink wine. I drank barely any at the party. You've drank a whole glass of wine. Alcohol is alcohol. I dont know if this is to get back at me or just telling me wine is okay. I don't think it is. I just think its unfair you drink at this party and I just sit here. But I don't really know if I like you drinking or not. I'm for sure not going to kiss you. Well you'll get mad at me if I don't soooo I don't knowww :/

I'm writing this in the smallest font so you can"t read this while your sitting so cute in my bed :3 But anyhow this is basically a response to your blog. I know your pain with the whole adjusting your sleep thing. All I need is one little nap with you and I can't fall asleep without you for like two days. I adjust really fast to sleeping next to you though. I always find that the best way to sleep. I hate having leave at 5am in the morning from your side. Its fun waking up at 8:30 and laying in bed snuggling in our warmth and sometimes filth. I feel like one with you. This past week has been pretty down and had a few bad intervals, I wish none of it ever even happened because every time I do these things to you it breaks our trust more. I'm trying a conscious effort to stop drinking in its entirety. I k now that you don't want me to end up like my brother or how your dad was. So i'm not going to even take sips, no wine, no beer. I'll be fine. I hope you know that I don't smoke weed because I'm depressed, stressed or anything. If i could i would get CBD, the physical high of cannabis if I could. I like the relaxed and comfort you get from it. Like I said before I hate being high around people. I just do it for the bodily high. The mental high usually just gets me paranoid or i just end up watching anything, like anything, on television lol. I don't think you should be against it at all. There is really nothing bad about it. We fit together because we are alike in every way and we have the same way of solving problems and come to conclusions almost the exact way. We know what makes us happy, therefore we make each other happy. People may say we spend to much time together but that's their theory on life. Why? Why is it so crucial that we don't hang out together as much. What could possibly be the harm in it? You can still hangout with me all the time and still be interdependent and self serving. We still do all the things we like to do and were happy. No I'd never want to lose you, And I try to never think that you'll be out of my life. Knowing that someone will always be there for me with loving intents to everything they say or do is a wonderful feeling. I love you because of who you are and how you act, For the things you say, The stands you take, and the outlook on life you have. The day I stop loving you for you and start loving you for only a sole purpose of pleasure will be the day I forget all of my morals and self standards set in my heart and mind. I can never change who I am. We can only grow smarter and better. and the longer we stay by each other the more puzzle fits together, the more it binds each piece snugly with another.  Christmas has always been a happy day for me, and I think it should be happy for everyone. especially you. I'm sorry I never really seem want to love you. Its only when other people are around. It's just a thing, It only feels completely special when I'm alone with you in a bed with dim lighting and maybe some sensual music playing. Just wait for when go on the humboldt trip. If its just me and you then prepare your vagina. no. prepare your whole body. Its going to be a very long day and night, including different areas of the room and trips to the shower together. well try to take all that in for now. I love you and I wouldn't mind waking up at 7:30am again tomorrow, I'm a lot less grumpy and depressed at work. maybe its just because you slept next to me though ;)

Mrahhhh.
Why did you have a bad morning:( what was your mom doing this time .-.
Well anyways I hope today is a happy day. I feel like it will be. I hope it is. I on my way to go see you right now:)
Back at your house. Your moms yelling because everyday apparently she wants to try her hardest to make sure you know that she dosen't give a fuck. Welp I guess we should go to the store now but your on tumblr... So imma talk to you

Mrah. I love you boo. Im sorry i don't cook as much as I used to. Or take you to lots of movies. But we do a lot of other things too. We've done a whole lot more in our short time together then what I have ever experienced in the past. I love hanging out with you and I'm glad it's just me and you together. I hope tonight you go to bed happy knowing that I will always love you and never leave. Let's prove your mom wrong and be together forever and get married and have a long honeymoon on a cruise. Going on a cruise will be like going to sf or Santa Cruz or to your dads but times 10 plus you get unlimited food and unlimited me and you time. I don't know what i want to be right now. I'm in that awkward phase where I'm switching dreams. Maybe I'll be a teacher with you or maybe something else. And even if I do find a easy job where I do nothing I'm still going to use my time to the fullest. Like spend time with the kids and build tree hoses and make you dinner. Being a house dad is a full time job ya know haha. Well whatever happens i want both of us to be happy and never be sad about anything. I don't mind being at Linda's house anymore. But I feel unwelcomed by your mom. Which is true because she just wants you to be there. I think she just wants you home alone because she is home alone all the time. Like you could just be home alone and bored with her and she'd still be mad. Maybe you could talk to her about it and approach her in a way she won't yell at you but I doubt it:( so I thin for now we should hang out at Linda's together so she can't yell as much. Which I don't mind, we do that same things we do at my house that we do at yours basically. I want to get something spiritual for your room. There's less stress in the air I feel but there could always be more spiritual stuff. So expect something weird or cool In your room. I hope we like the moive:) I think we will, and I hope we have an awesome new years kiss together. I'm really looking forward to that. :)

What I'm feeling right now is happiness. I'm happy that we are together and I'm happy we are able to spend everyday with eachother. Soon we are going to have a week long sleep over at my house again. And this time we won't have to depart from each other or anything and we can do fun things like go to the beach and bake with my mixer and lay naked and be alone in my house more:3. Well hopefully. Hopefully I don't have to roll anymore. It was fun for awhile but now I'd rather work and get tips. It sure does pass time a lot quicker but it's sooo early. So I'll be looking forward to my old position soon. Also you should call little caesars soon. If you have work experience it's a major boost to get a job. And you can buy lots of pretty things. Well I'm really tired boo :(

Today is the second day of us spending the weekend together at your dads house. I really am excited to live up north. Things seem simple and relaxing, it's really good for schooling. And if our plans ever change I wouldn't mind living in a small little old house on a hill with a huge front yard full of grass an trees. Working a random job. But let's consider college first :3

Hey Hannah. I want you to know I'm really happy your in my life and I feel like Newark has a big negative impact on our life's. That's why I feel like five months isn't soon enough. I want to live with you surrounded by new people and start my life again with you. I feel that I have opened my heart fully to you and I want you to be in my life forever. I trust you that you'll stay in my life. And I have no reason not too. I'm glad we have found each other. I can't say that enough. Soon we will have wedding rings and have a kid or two. And we can forget our past and live in the present, which in turn will become our new past. A past we can look at and be happy to have it. I love you so much.

I was hoping I could make your day a little bit better today. Which I tested but today to me seemed like a failure in my eyes. I don't like it when you do home sad. I say one wrong thing and it all kind of collapses. I'm sorry I never do what I say I'm going to do. I should have woke up earlier. Because I didn't your mom argued with you and made your day even worse. I hope the tapioca made you feel a little better though. I really love you and miss you and want you to still be here. I know that you are unhappy right now and makes me really sad. I don't know what your doing as of right now. But I know you aren't smiling. I really want today to be over. I'm sorry Hannah. I wish I could make you magically better. I wish you and me could have traded family's so you would go to college and have a job and get uggs and all the clothes you wanted. I wouldn't mind living at Linda's as long as I knew you were happy.

So tired in the mornings ugh. But soon I'll be back to sleeping in :3 soooo gooooooddd. And when I stop rolling we can have more sleepovers where I don't have to get up as early, or early at all :3 I love you have fun at school. I'll be done rolling at 2pm kays? Alright well buh byeee

I really hope you get to sleep over tonight boo. I miss you so much and I hate having to leave you I the morning when we do sleep together. I find it funny also that you said that I wouldn't want to sleep next to you because you kick a lot. But all I hear are hear horrible stories of me stealing your blanket and stuff. Well feel free to do whatever you need to do to move me to get comfy again. I'm sorry I dont have bed manners, I would work on them but I don't know how lol. Well I stayed in the car with snowball two times to write you this secretly. Let's see how Long until you see this love you Hannah :)

I really love you hannah. I hope you had a good birthday. I tried to make it a good one. I miss you and want to go docenting again with you. I really like it up there with you and can't wait to be able to do it every night. But for now we an sleep in my bed. Did you know that my dad dosen't like the fact that we sleep together :( my mom doesn't care but apparently my dad does :(. Well I'm really tired Hannah I think imma sleep soon. I miss you and I'll text the moment I wake up. Forever my love

I wish you didn't hang up... :(

Well you are over my house but you're really sad. I'm sorry I don't really know how to make it better. I don't think I can. I tried being next to you and hugging you. But you no longer want my hugs. So yeah. I love you. I really like the dream catcher I made you. Yeah... I really don't like when you leave my house when you're sad. It makes me worry. But I understand sometimes you gotta be alone. So that why I'm writing you this blog. I really hope you get to sleep over tonight. I like sleeping with you here... And well anywhere as long as im with you. I really love you Hannah. Well im going to lay here. But I understand if you want to still sit there. I love you no matter what. Okays I hope I can some how think a way up to make you feel better

Happy birthday boo!

I feel so in love with you. I really don't know how to explain it. I feel like my heart has been reopened by you. I feel like I wont get hurt by you. I'm happy and I feel it more than I ever have. I think before you I closed my heart and shut out my feelings for love so I wouldn't get hurt anymore, but now I feel like my heart is finally ready to love again. I trust you and I love you to the fullest. I know that this love is different, I know that you're different. You're better than anything I've ever had in life I love you so much Hannah..

I had a lot of fun this weekend. I'm really glad I choose to come up and be with you this weekend. I really do love it up there, it's so much different and better then Newark. Makes me want to go to Humboldt even more now. I hope you are as happy as I am right now. I feel like are relationship is at it's strongest point right now. I'm glad we've cut ties with people that hurt us and I'm glad break has come around to keep you away from that school. I love you Hannah more than I have with any person. You are seriously my other half and I want you to be in my life permanently. I also like how we are growing on each other too. We are so similar we are starting to do things that each other would do. We are becoming one and I'm so ready for us to get married. I love you Hannah.

I'm 90% sure you are blogging right now about how a) you are sad again or b) hopefully you understand that I really want to be with you for the rest of my life. Hannah I think we fit together so well because we were hurt by people we thought that loved us just as much as we loved them. But even though we loved them, love isn't a one sided thing. Both people have to be in love. I know that we both love each other. We want someone who is there to make each other happy. Because when we make one another happy we, ourselfs become happy too. Just know that we really do fit so well and I see no problems in our future. I don't care if we are rich or poor or have a family or not. All I want is too know that I have my other half who I can fully trust with everything in my life. I had a totally different image of you put on by other people. But now that I see you with my own eyes, I know you are the most caring and loving person ever. I'm so glad we found each other and our lives would have never been has happy if we never meet. I love you so much.

I really enjoyed today even though in the benignly we were really sad and depressed it ended up being a really great and happy day. I love that our love is so strong. I can't imagine anyone else I would want to be with but you. I feel like once move out together to Humboldt we will be even happier. Living on our own will be great, we can start our grownup lives together. I think that will bring us even closer together. And we can always be at home and with each other at the same time. I hope where we live is really pretty and peaceful. I also wonder how I'm going to do in school if I do go or if I would want to continue on to Humboldt. I really am warming up to the idea. I think I just needed a nice year to relax from 12 years of constant schooling and now I'm ready to finish off the the last four or so years with you. I hope we take the same classes too. It would be really fun and helpful. We would encourage each other a lot too. Well I love you and its time for us to hang out now:) I love you so much Hannah. Thank you for loving me. I can't wait for this weekend to hang out with you and freeze to death:3

I'm really sad right now. I don't really know why. I think I just Miss you a lot. I only love you and want you to be in my life. I really hope we live for a long time. I feel so happy with you Hannah. More then I've ever felt. If I could I would go back and date you earlier. Im not going to talk to her but Im really sad when your sad. Please know that I love you and only you. You are my everything. I'm sorry it's a short blog... I'm still really sad and I miss you and I'm tired. I think I just need to sleep. Goodnight my love

No matter what happens an no matter what anyone says or does, I will always be your one and only. I think personally I'm happier with you then I was with her. You have nothing to worry about. In my mind you are the Aztec queen. My Aztec queen. I did go out with her for three years. But that means nothing if it wasent a happy three years. My time with you has been nothing but happiness. Everyday I'm with you we are always happy and glad to see each other. I just want you to know I'd rather just not talk to her and make her happy. I'd rather leave it alone and wait for her to stop. I love you Hannah and I can't wait to move out with you wether it be a walmart parking lot or a village house in niles. I will be happy as long as I have you to love and to love me back. Forever boo

The day I stop loving you will be the day I need to stop being stupid. You are great and there is no reason I would break up with you. Even if she is the Megan fox, she still has the personality of a temperamental, dependent, and pessimistic person. You are my Ganesh brought goddess. You are beautiful everyday and make my heart soar. I don't want Megan fox. I want Hannah Alayna Rouley(soon to be Hudson). You are the only person I want to share my last name with and be proud of it.
On a different note did you know shiva cut of his sons head, but once he realized Ganesh was his son he reattached his head to the next living thing he saw. A elephant! :D well don't die at school.

Well right now I bet this food would be so good high. But I wanna blog sober for you. So imma do it now before I finish my food. I really do love you Hannah. You are perfect. I'm not saying this just to make you happy I'm saying this to let you know I never want you to change ever. You have zero negative qualities. I can't wait to see you tomorrow and sleep with you at my house. Over night:D my bed is our love station and it's Gunna be so much better than when we sleep at breannas. Please know that you are the only person I think about and want to think about. Please be true to our love. I really want this to last. I mean come on, like half the time we are inside eachothers mind. And we should never let eachother go. Okay bye I love you boo!

Please try to not worry my love. I'm your's forever. I really do trust you and you have my heart in your hands. Please do take good care of it. I promise to with your's:3 no one will ever get between what we have. Don't listen to people who want to hurt you. I can't wait until we move out together and marry each other. I really hope we live happily ever after:)

AHHHHHHGGGGGGG! IM GOING TO MARRY YOU!!!!!!

well your alseep now... I refuse to accept the fact that you really don't know my blog yet haha. Today was definitely not Hannah-Chris day at all. We finally got to my house, I showered, got out then had to pick up my mom, thennn got gas, which left us with like a little over an hour. Tomorrow. No phones. It's Hannah and Chris day tomorrow, I don't care what anyone else says. I even got rid of the bed. I'm so ready for this.

I really want to finish the painting. It's almost done and I want something special in the middle of it. We should paint something that is symbolic for the both of us together. I was thinking like a swirl of paint, but I don't know for sure yet. I can't wait for you to come over today, we probably won't be able to shower together but that is okay. I just want to hug you and love you all day before I have to go to work. I'm so glad we have this weekend  off for ourselves. If we don't go to the cabin with everyone then we should go to the beach again while its sunny out. Or go to SF and go around the piers maybe.

Now I'm pretty sure you have found this already, but if you didn't yet... I mean come on.... D:

I'm really excited to paint with you today. It's the best thing to do with my one weekday off of work. Today seems like the most perfect day. Its a good balance of cloud to sky ratio. except its really cold though :(
I feel like something awesome is going to happen today between you and me.

And thus starts blog one.

Welp. This will be the second try of blogging for you and trying to keep it hidden from you for as long as possible. I know you really miss my blogs and I'm sorry for not doing them as often as you wish I would.
Okay well the day is just about over and I'm going to do this instead of hide it from you. If you find it please don't tell me that you did. Don't give any hint that you did. I find my self writing deeper thoughts without a audience. It doesn't I don't open up all the way to you, its just a mental thing I guess. Plus I like writing about you without directly blogging to you. If you know what I mean.

So recently I've felt like you don't think I read your blogs any more but the truth is I love them. I love reading all of your thoughts and I will never get bored of reading them. Even though I don't blog as much I still read all of your blogs, not because I feel obligated to but because I really want to. I want to know what your feeling and your blogs really express everything on your mind. Its like your old room but in internet form. I really miss your old house. Maybe one day, we could rent it again or buy that one awesome blue house. It has a lot of land too, we could make it in to a restaurant and you, your dad, and me could work in it. I would love to own my own little restaurant, it would be a lot of work but I'm so up for it. I just have those thoughts of failure and lack of start up money that kind of drives me away. Maybe I could go to college with you and learn how to operate a business...

I'm glad you and Adrienne are done talking and I hope we can start our life's now without that as a past. I really do love you, and only you, more than anything and anyone. Please do me this, never leave. I will promise to try my hardest to be a good boyfriend so you might have to work with me on somethings. But I think this relationship is very serious and I know nothing can tear us apart now. I feel so close to you and I still can't imagine us moving out together, getting married, or even having a kid, it's all a really big transformation from kid to adult. But when those thing arise I will be ecstatic. I really want a blond green eyed daughter... We would love her to death and give her the best childhood ever, even if we are dirt poor.   

So anyways that all I really have for now. I'm going to call you and tell you I blogged. But it's up to you to find it. I mean it's pretty easy to find it really... I didn't put any effort into hiding it, you probably already found it haha.